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Transformers (2007)

A polished turd of a film, designed to appeal to Gen Y nostalgia for a show designed to sell overpriced crap to them as kids. Actually, that’s not really all that much of an offence these days: what really bugs me is that these are not transformers. The original transformers couldn’t just turn into anything they wanted, and could often be distinguished from each other during the battle scenes. Also, I don’t remember the cartoons spending two-thirds of the time with a story about Shia LaBeouf trying to get laid. I also don’t remember quite so much time spent on offensive ethnic stereotypes and pee jokes. To everybody out there who ever said “just shut off your brain and enjoy” about a film like this: this is all your fault. You suck. And you make other things suck.

And, since I watched this with my roommates, several slugs of Maker’s Mark, and the really quite amusing RiffTrax commentary, and kind of dug the whole experience, I clearly suck, too. I guess that’s why I haven’t yet been put in charge of our culture.