eric brochu › Quick & Dirty: Movie Reviews

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Joe Versus the Volcano (1990) 3/5
2007-06-28 10:24

This film is much better than you would think from its title. And premise. And its box office results. And critical reputation. And lame 80s-comedy musical montages. And laboured attempts at comedy. And the presence of Meg Ryan. And the fact that Meg Ryan plays three different characters. Not that it's really all that good -- it's just better than all those things would lead you to believe. Which, to be honest, is kind of a minor miracle. Can you imagine how bad it could have been?
2007-06-28
0.3
Jesus Camp (2006) 3.5/5
2007-02-26 13:04

A documentary looking at a camp for the children of evangelical Christian parents. (Notice I didn't say "evangelical children" -- as Richard Dawkins points out in The God Delusion, none of these kids chose or understand the dogma.) The purpose of the camp is, quite openly, to brainwash these kids into being obedient servants of far-right evangelical Republican interests, and it's never creepier than when the true-believer director is railing against Muslims and bringing out a cardboard cut-out of George Bush for the children to "thank". And for now, none of them knowing any better, they take to it. I would love to see a follow-up documentary in ten years -- the missing piece of the doc is what happens to these kids and their unquestioning obedience when they become adolescents and young adults.
2007-02-26
0.3
Iron Man (2008) 4/5
2008-05-07 19:10

2008-05-07
0.3
Irma Vep (1996) 3.5/5
2007-05-10 10:14

"I thought you hated French movies," my roommate said when he saw me watching this. That's not really fair. I only hate the boring, pretentious, "highbrow" fare that is 93% of what makes its way here (and yes, that number's correct -- I did the math). This movie seems to hate it too, but, ironically, can't seem to resist getting bogged down in "intellectual" commentary toward the end, as if it suddenly wanted to prove it was a Serious French Art Film. However, the gorgeous Maggie Cheung (playing herself) spends most of the movie padding around in a latex catsuit being lusted after by her cute lesbian costume designer. This alone makes it the best French film of the past decade. Maybe ever.
2007-05-10
0.3
Into the Wild (2007) 4.5/5
2007-11-04 20:47

A terrific movie, and the rare adaptation that enriches the original book, instead of trying to reproduce or supplant it (I've read the Krakauer book twice). The interviews and essays of the book become the backbone of a road movie that preserves the book's ambivalence towards its subject -- Christopher McCandless is irritatingly self-absorbed, naive and intransigent, but his self-assigned mission to cast off material concerns and follow a road of hardship, self-discipline and joy probably registers with anyone who has ever thought about how easy and how hard it would be to simply walk away from their life for one on the road. And the America shown in the movie is so vast and beautiful, it can't help but feel like you're missing out if you don't spend your life exploring it.
2007-11-04
0.3
Inglourious Basterds (2009) 5/5
2009-08-31 13:34

2009-08-31
0.3
Infernal Affairs (2002) 3.5/5
2007-07-05 09:58

This is the Hong Kong crime thriller that The Departed is a remake of. The first time I saw it was in 2004, and I was hopelessly lost in the first fifteen minutes. Seeing The Departed makes this film make more sense, but also kind of diminishes it, since the acting is fairly tame by comparison, and the editing, cinematography and (especially!) the soundtrack are so superior in the Scorcese film. Unfortunately, this makes Infernal Affairs -- which really is an excellent, original film -- seem like a well-executed first-draft effort for the brilliant and more polished The Departed.
2007-07-05
0.3
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) 2/5
2008-05-25 22:18

2008-05-25
0.3
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) 4/5
2008-05-25 22:19

2008-05-25
0.3
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) 2/5
2008-05-25 22:21

2008-05-25
0.3
Independence Day (1996) 1/5
2009-06-26 06:44

So after actually rather enjoying seeing things get smashed in Cloverfield, I thought maybe it was time to finally see Independence Day. I was wrong. There is never a time to see Independence Day.
2009-06-26
0.3
Incubus (1965) 3.5/5
2011-01-02 12:27

2011-01-02
0.3
Inception (2010) 4.5/5
2010-08-07 23:18

2010-08-07
0.3
In Bruges (2008) 3.5/5
2008-03-23 11:17

2008-03-23
0.3
Idiocracy (2006) 2.5/5
2007-02-04 00:16

A real cult has grown up around this film already, based on the studio's decision to order reshoots, then shelve it, then dump it straight to DVD with no publicity. In some quarters, it's been hailed as a buried masterpiece, and The Guardian (predictably) posits a conspiracy based on the supposed subversive power of the film's anti-corporate message. Unfortunately, while it has some pretty funny moments, there are some long, dry stretches of Hollywood hokum between them, and the satirical jabs are hardly devastating. Which is kind of disappointing -- Mike Judge really nailed the whole "laughing at retards" thing when he did Beavis and Butt-Head.
2007-02-04
0.3
I'm Not There (2007) 3.5/5
2008-12-21 17:23

It's pretty rare for a preposterous high-concept gimmick to pay off, but here it just barely manages to. Six people, including Heath Ledger, Christian Bale and Cate Blanchette, inhabit various aspects of the Bob Dylan persona. It's pretty audacious, but Bon Dylan has always been such a self-mythologizer that a conventional biopic could never capture all the aspects this one does.
2008-12-21
0.3
I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang (1932) 3/5
2007-08-02 23:10

It's hard to fault this film's social message about the brutality of 1930s chain gangs. The chain gangs of Cool Hand Luke look like the model of enlightenment by comparison. And the performance of Paul Muni as the eponymous escapee is nowhere near as stagey as most 1930s acting. But in most other ways, this has all the problems of melodramas of the period: boring photography, extreme overacting from the supporting cast, and a story with the level of subtlety that would later be associated with Oliver Stone and daytime TV. I know, it's a classic, and it's a lot better than most films of the era (in that it's watchable), but the era kind of sucked, and here at Haiku Factory, we don't grade on a curve.
2007-08-02
0.3
Hunger (2008) 3/5
2010-11-08 20:09

Unfortunately, I come in with no knowledge of the historical events fictionalized here, and the film has no interest in actually engaging the viewer. In fact, it's so stark, insular, and obsessed with the bloody price of martyrdom that it kind of becomes a kind of IRA Passion of the Christ. I can appreciate it as an exercise (and there's clearly genuine talent here), but not as a film.
2010-11-08
0.3
Hot Fuzz (2007) 4.5/5
2007-04-25 22:16

It doesn't quite reach the heights of non-stop awesomeness that Shaun of the Dead does, but it's still superb and hilarious and I enjoyed it an awful lot. I guess I'm not the only one who spent his formative years fantasizing about his go-nowhere, dull little home town erupting in scenes of spectacular action-movie mayhem.
2007-04-25
0.3
His Girl Friday (1940) 3.5/5
2006-09-09 11:41

Howard Hawks, Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell are all great, but this film still has that kind of untra-stagey kind of feel Hollywood movies had in the 1930s -- lots of tripod-mounted two-shots and jarring edits, and very sharp dialogue recited very fast, very loud and very flat.
2006-09-09
0.3
Highway 61 (1991) 4/5
2008-11-26 22:34

One of my favourite Canadian movies. Writer Don McKellar is a small-town Ontario barber who ends up on a road trip across the US with roadie Valerie Buhrgear and a corpse in a coffin, pursued by a creepy bingo-playing American who thinks he's Satan. The directing and story-telling are maybe a little sloppy and low-rent in places, but the movie has a charmingly offbeat DIY attitude a lot of 16mm heart. Director Bruce McDonald would team up with McKellar again to make the brilliant gen-X TV series Twitch City.
2008-11-26
0.3
Hide and Seek (1999) 1/5
2011-01-02 12:27

2011-01-02
0.3
Hero (2004) 3.5/5
2009-10-10 21:33

2009-10-10
0.3
Henry V (1989) 4/5
2009-10-10 21:33

2009-10-10
0.3
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) 3.5/5
2008-07-25 09:30

2008-07-25
0.3
Hellboy (2004) 3/5
2008-01-08 19:52

Entertaining movie with some brilliantly-directed scenes, and Ron Perlman is brilliant as Hellboy, but the story and editing are so choppy that by the end you pretty much have to give up on making any sense of what's going on or how anybody got anywhere. Still, del Toro is unquestionably a brilliant filmmaker, and I'm really looking forward to Hellboy 2.
2008-01-08
0.3
Heima (2007) 3.5/5
2008-04-22 21:57

2008-04-22
0.3
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004) 3/5
2007-06-17 10:51

Not a great film, but I have a weird fondness for goofy road movies. This one gets surprising milage out of simply having two Asian stoners as the heros and a genuinely funny scene with Neil Patrick Harris as a horny e-tard version of himself.
2007-06-17
0.3
Hard Candy (2005) 2/5
2007-06-12 00:35

This horror-psycho-thriller is hard to watch, sometimes because it's so intense, and sometimes because it's so damned stagey that it reminded me of Tape, a movie I hated. I'm still not sure if it's a film about revenge and victimization dressed up with extreme violence, or an extreme violence film paying lip service to victimization and its consequences. To be honest, I'm not sure which I'd prefer.
2007-06-12
0.3
Happy-Go-Lucky (2008) 3.5/5
2009-10-10 21:30

2009-10-10
0.3
Half Nelson (2006) 4/5
2007-04-19 12:11

Ryan Gosling plays a crack-addicted teacher who manages to be sympathetic even while he wallows in his situation. This isn't a movie about redemption, it's about a man with an addiction-sized hole in his being, and it's refreshingly, quietly unsentimental.
2007-04-19
0.3
Groundhog Day (1993) 5/5
2007-07-01 23:49

This may or may not be my all-time favourite movie, but it is my favourite movie of my favourite actor. Bill Murray is this film has to go from smug to egocentric, to confused, to elated, to nihilistic, to suicidal, to resigned, to compassionate, to humble, to serene -- all while playing the same character. And he has to do it all while being funny. This is the kind of movie that makes me happy to be alive, not because it's uplifting, but because it is just so damn brilliant. It is also the original source of my Bill Murray man-crush.
2007-07-01
0.3
Grindhouse (2007) 4.5/5
2007-04-23 10:48

I may end up giving this one a ten when I see it on DVD. The two films are both excellent, and play to the strengths of Rodriguez and Tarantino. Rodriguez is a master craftsman -- his films are never the slightest bit deep or original, but when he's on, he's superb at aping other people's styles and delivering slick entertainment. Here, he combines his ubiquitous John Woo fetish with the gore of Romero and Argento and the hipster winking of Return of the Living Dead to serve up a great zombie action-comedy. Tarantino, on the other hand, may nod, but he doesn't wink, and he gives us a movie that only Tarantino could have made. On the surface, it's a Tarantino version of Two Lane Blacktop or Vanishing Point. But as much as he loves those films, he is willing to take a sledgehammer to their macho 1970s misogyny. It'll be hard to ever take those squinting antiheroes and hysterical bimbos seriously again after this. And the ending is utterly brilliant -- totally in line with the counterculture nihilism of the racing films, and completely hilarious.
2007-04-23
0.3
Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) 4/5
2008-09-25 21:58

2008-09-25
0.3
Gremlins (1984) 3/5
2008-09-25 21:57

2008-09-25
0.3
Grease (1978) 4/5
2009-03-15 21:06

Alright, I'll admit the highlight was watching it with Janelle while she gleefully told me how each scene shaped her younger self. But I still dug it. What can I say? I really do have a soft spot for musicals -- even when they're not great films per se. Only problem is, I found Olivia Newton-John to be kind of a bore (sorry, Janelle). I wanted to see more of Didi Conn's rebel-dork Frenchy! (Which I hear I can in Grease 2. Hmmm...)
2009-03-15
0.3
Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) 4.5/5
2007-10-07 21:00

I don't know what I can say about this film that hasn't been said a hundred times. It's brilliant. It's painful. It's exhilarating. And it has the best, most stylized dialogue any film has ever had. "We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. "
2007-10-07
0.3
Gesualdo: Death for Five Voices (1995) 2/5
2007-07-29 15:29

A rare misfire from Werner Herzog. Gesualdo was a 17th-century Italian prince, who was also an alchemist, a masochist, a murderer and a composer (not necessarily in that order). His compositions have been praised as radically ahead of their time, and his life has given rise to an entire cottage industry of lurid and implausible legends. It's easy to see why this would appeal to any documentarian, let alone Herzog. Unfortunately, while there are a few brilliant Herzog touches, most of the film looks like it could have been made by any documentarian, with Herzog touring old palaces and interviewing pompous talking heads (the choir leader, especially, is clearly more in love with the sound of his own voice than Gesualdo's music). Worst of all, though, a good third of the film is made of up performances of Gesualdo's madrigals, and they are all rather boring and indistinguishable. There are a couple of great moments, but nowhere near enough to save the film.
2007-07-29
0.3
Gamera vs Gyaos (1967) 1/5
2008-02-16 21:04

Godzilla, at least in his first couple of films, is iconic and even poetic -- capital-N Nature in all its awesome fury, reminding the folks of badly-dubbed Japan that they and all their tiny, easily-crushable buildings are as insects by comparison. His fellow giant monster Gamera, however, is a bizarre, jet-powered flying turtle who likes to let creepy kids ride on his back. Here he battles a giant bird that can shoot lasers from its mouth. Gamera, you suck.
2008-02-16
0.3
Gamera vs Guiron (1969) 2.5/5
2008-02-25 00:24

2008-02-25
0.3
Galaxy Quest (1999) 3.5/5
2009-10-10 21:33

2009-10-10
0.3
Frost/Nixon (2008) 3.5/5
2009-01-11 04:33

It's not a great piece of filmmaking, but I've been reading a lot about Nixon lately, and I think this movie really nailed his character: he's like an evil Spock.
2009-01-11
0.3
Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969) 4/5
2007-07-19 19:39

This, the fifth film in the Hammer Frankenstein series is a thoroughly Gothic tale of blackmail, murder, revenge and unauthorized human brain transplants. And then more murder. I find some of the Hammer horror films to be a bit ponderous, but not this one. It rips right along like a mad scientist on fire, with a scenery-devouring Peter Cushing as the Baron Victor Frankenstein, whose insanity is matched only by his insatiable lust -- a lust for experimental brain surgery! Bwahahahaaaaa! Tasty. Very tasty.
2007-07-19
0.3
Forgotten Silver (1995) (TV) 3.5/5
2007-04-09 13:31

What a strange item. Peter Jackson made this fake documentary about a fictional filmmaker for New Zealand public television. Most of the stuff I've seen calls it a mockumentary, but aside from a few little jokes, it's not really meant to be funny. It really more of a kind-hearted wish-fulfillment hoax that could only have come from someone with a genuine and immense love of cinema -- the history of cinema as Peter Jackson wishes it was.
2007-04-09
0.3
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) 4/5
2008-10-15 23:09

2008-10-15
0.3
Fire Maidens from Outer Space (1956) 1/5
2007-11-25 23:45

2007-11-25
0.3
Fils, Le (2002) 2/5
2007-03-08 22:14

The Son. Yet another overrated European film in the self-consciously "artistic" style of the past ten years or so -- lots of hand-held cameras and drab location shots. This one follows a character who is (intentionally) a complete cypher. "Follows" is really the word -- a good third of the film is spent staring at the back of his head while he walks around. The whole thing is deliberately difficult and opaque, but all the showy, high-mindedness contempt for style can't disguise the fact that the situation and characters are utterly implausible and the film really doesn't seem to have anything at all to say about them.
2007-03-08
0.3
Fiend Without A Face (1958) 3/5
2009-10-10 21:30

2009-10-10
0.3
Everything's Gone Green (2006) 3.5/5
2007-05-08 11:51

This Douglas Coupland-scripted film couldn't possibly have been written by anyone else -- at times, it feels like outtakes from JPod. It's not terribly ambitious, but it's charming. More that anything else, though, it's a love letter to Vancouver, and her rain and mountains and yuppie bike fanatics and baby boomer grow-ops and, above all, her rows and rows of towering glass condos.
2007-05-08
0.3
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) 5/5
2006-10-07 00:03

The greatest English-language movie of the 21st century. So far, I guess. Honestly, I think I like it a little more each time I see it.
2006-10-07
0.3
Eraserhead (1976) 4.5/5
2010-09-12 09:03

"So I just, uh... I just cut them up like regular chickens?"
"Sure, just cut them up like regular chickens."
2010-09-12
0.3
Enter the Dragon (1973) 4/5
2008-01-27 23:01

A classic, but that doesn't mean it's great. I mean, Bruce Lee is great, but whenever he's not on the the screen -- or when he's on the screen but not kicking ass -- it's really a bit of a bore. Fortunately, a pretty fair chunk of the movie is, indeed, Bruce Lee kicking ass.
2008-01-27
0.3
Encounters at the End of the World (2007) 4/5
2008-07-12 19:54

2008-07-12
0.3
Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill (1999) (V) 3.5/5
2007-05-01 11:16

To quote my brother Ty's opinion of British comedy: "You know what's really, really, really funny? A man dressed as a woman." I'm more of a David Cross man myself, but Eddie Izzard really is pretty funny.
2007-05-01
0.3
Eastern Promises (2007) 3.5/5
2007-10-07 20:55

Studded with greatness, but ultimately unsatisfying. It feels less like a complete story and more like a showcase for David Cronenberg's clinical direction (I kind of felt the same way about Spider). There are several terrific scenes, but I didn't feel that Cronenberg was really connecting with the material as much as the actors were. And the abrupt ending just emphasized that feeling -- as if to say, "well, I did everything we came here to do, let's go home".
2007-10-07
0.3
Duck, You Sucker! (1971) 2/5
2010-10-23 18:48

There seems to be an attempt to re-evaluate Sergio Leone's last western as, well, not a lost masterpiece, exactly, but an unfairly forgotten work, at least. But with all due respect, its not. I admire the intent -- a scathing critique of both revolutionaries and their targets, but the pacing is too languid, the action is uninspired and it's metaphors too thuddingly simply and obvious. It's bravado cynicism of the "*I* don't believe in *anything*" sort, rather than icy gaze of an jaded observer like Jean-Pierre Melville.
2010-10-23
0.3
Duck Soup (1933) 4.5/5
2007-06-15 23:23

My intellectual hero, Pauline Kael, once said that the Marx brothers were never in a movie as wonderful as they were. But Duck Soup! So. Very. Fucking. Close! A lot of it, I think, is that this is the film that best serves as a scaffold for the brothers to be themselves, without all the romantic subplots and vibrato-heavy musical numbers. Groucho gets to be the ultimate wise-ass, insulting and charming Margaret Dumont in the same sentence. Harpo gets to be an asshole. Chico gets to mangle the English language and confuse various pompous straight men. And Zeppo gets to not sing.
2007-06-15
0.3
Drunken Master (1978) 3.5/5
2007-09-21 19:33

Early, awesome Jackie Chan movie directed by Yuen Woo-Ping. The entire movie is alternating fights and comedy set pieces with barely a moment to break them up. While not nearly as brilliant as Drunken Master II, this is still the rare old-school kung fu flick that really delivers.
2007-09-21
0.3
Drag Me To Hell (2009) 3/5
2009-10-25 16:13

Sam Raimi isn't the most subtle of directors, but he sure can direct a scene. Thing was, after the truly embarrassing Spider-Man 3, I was starting to have serious doubts about his ability to direct a movie. Fortunately, there's no real doubt that Drag Me To Hell is pretty well-done, even though the over-the-top teen horror movie isn't a genre I'm especially fond of.
2009-10-25
0.3
District B13 (2004) 2.5/5
2010-10-24 23:36

So in District B13, the Paris of 2010 is overrun with murderous politicians, walled suburbs, and gangs armed with parkour and military-grade hardware. Meanwhile, the real Paris of 2010 is overrun with striking workers protesting a slight increase in the retirement age. That's not even close, District B13. Not even close.
2010-10-24
0.3
District 9 (2009) 4/5
2009-08-31 13:36

2009-08-31
0.3
DiG! (2004) 4/5
2007-08-30 10:27

A documentary famously made over a seven-year period, starting with The Dandy Warhols and their friends/rivals The Brian Jonestown Massacre as they both seem poised for success. We see the Dandys go from wannabes to genuine rock stars (at least in Europe), while the BJM under the increasingly addicted and self-destructive genius (or is he?) Anton Newcombe go straight from up-and-coming to burnt out without ever passing through success.
2007-08-30
0.3
Devdas (2002) 3/5
2008-04-22 21:56

2008-04-22
0.3
Deliverance (1972) 3.5/5
2008-03-16 11:30

2008-03-16
0.3
Death Wish (1974) 2.5/5
2007-06-24 16:40

Or, "Un justicier dans la ville" in French, which is an awesome name that maybe could have been used for Deathwish 2: Vigilante in the City. Actually, given its crypto-fascist reputation, it is a surprisingly entertaining and effective piece of entertainment, and actually has non-trivial things to say about law and lawlessness. In a way, I think its the ambiguity of the film's attitude that has led to its reputation -- all those westerns about good-guy gunfighters coming into town and killing the bad guys draw far less criticism simply because they depict vigilante justice as an unabashed and unquestionable good. Not that Death Wish as all that complex: all the muggers Charles Bronson kills are clearly bad guys. Though none of them are despicable as the rape-and-murder gang that sets him off in the first place (and whom, interestingly, he never comes close to tracking down or punishing).
2007-06-24
0.3
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977) 2/5
2009-04-15 23:37

2009-04-15
0.3
Days of Being Wild (1991) 2.5/5
2007-08-20 09:43

I used to think I liked Wong Kar Wai movies. More recently, though, I've come to the conclusion that what I really like is his cinematographer Christopher Doyle, and his leading lady, Maggie Cheung. These are the ones doing all the emotional heavy lifting, not the ponderous, humourless WKW. Not that Wong is a bad director or writer (except when he is, like in 2046), but he's really a one-trick pony: as soon he steps outside his "sensitive bad boys and the jealous women who love them" safe zone (as he does with the ending of this film), it's obvious he has no idea what to do. If he hadn't hooked up with Maggie and Chris early on, I doubt anybody outside a few Hong Kong aficionados would know his name. Also, is it overly cynical of me to speculate that WKW really makes these movies just to get laid? Because I always think that while I'm watching his films, even the ones I like.
2007-08-20
0.3
Dawn of the Dead (1978) 5/5
2007-04-09 13:35

The ultimate zombie movie. It's not slick, but it's powerful. At some point, I have to pull together all my ideas about why zombie movies appeal to me, and this movie is the key. It's also probably the only zombie movie that's a great movie, period. Except possibly Shaun of the Dead.
2007-04-09
0.3
Curse of the Aztec Mummy (1957) 2.5/5
2007-07-27 23:11

(Thanks to Blim's Evil Film School for screening this "classic" piece of luchadore insanity!) El Ángel is a silver-masked Mexican wrestling superhero, who single-handedly takes on rubber snakes, a portly middle-aged scientist and some inept goons, with the eponymous Aztec mummy mostly around to bat clean-up in the last five minutes of the film. El Ángel wears a mean cape, bounds up stairs three at a time, and wrestles like Esau himself, but somehow manages to repeatedly get captured and forced into the world's lamest death traps. (Escape from one involves rolling his head a few inches to the right, and another requires him to phone a small boy to come over and poke him with a stick while he dangles from a light fixture.) It's all inane, inept and totally entertaining.
2007-07-27
0.3
Crank: High Voltage (2009) 4/5
2009-05-06 05:54

2009-05-06
0.3
Crank (2006) 3.5/5
2009-10-20 20:44

Hitman Jason Statham is injected with a deadly poison, and only adrenaline can slow it down. But only enough to buy him the time he needs to get revenge and/or a cure. Not quite the demented masterpiece of its sequel (Crank: High Voltage), but still a loopy and highly entertaining action film.
2009-10-20
0.3
Coraline (2009) 3.5/5
2009-02-16 13:11

2009-02-16
0.3
Control (2007) 2.5/5
2009-10-10 21:33

2009-10-10
0.3
Constantine (2005) 3/5
2010-10-23 18:43

You know, if you ignore the comics the movie is based on and pretend that Keanu is playing a two-fisted exorcist anti-hero who happens to be named John Constantine, it's really not too bad a film. Some good set-pieces, well-cast supporting roles (especially Tilda Swinton as the angel Gabriel) and a nice gothic-pulp look. However, if you look at it like Hollywood's once chance to adapt everything that is awesome in Hellblazer, it's a crushing disappointment.
2010-10-23
0.3
Con Air (1997) 4/5
2008-12-21 17:49

I hadn't seen this movie since it was in theatres, and I forgot just what a glorious masterpiece of stupidity it is! There is not a single line that isn't grandiose or a performance that isn't over-the-top, and there's not a hint of subtlety in sight. With a cast including Nick Cage, Steve Buscemi, John Cusack and John Malkovich, who all competing in some kind of secret scenery-chewing contest, the whole thing is excessive and gratuitous, and so cheerfully idiotic, it can't help but be entertaining.
2008-12-21
0.3
Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970) 3.5/5
2009-10-20 20:52

At the height of the cold war, the US builds the ultimate supercomputer and puts it in charge of the nation's nuclear arsenal. What could possibly go wrong? This really isn't a great movie, but it has a lot going for it. It's got great 70s art direction, Edith Head doing the costumes and lots of loving shots of state-of-the art tape drives and orange monochrome terminals. It also has a pretty great way of dealing with the fact that most of the movie involves people interacting with a computer -- the computer action is set in a great ultra-70s-modern control room, which allows for appropriately imposing hardware and room for the human characters to yell and run as necessary. It also has a satirical bite, and a classic downer ending. Unfortunately, it never rises above the typical (lazy) Hollywood anti-science, isn't-logic-heartless sci-fi tropes, always a pet peeve of mine.
2009-10-20
0.3
Cloverfield (2008) 3/5
2009-06-21 18:01

So on the one hand, I really hate movies that expect you to care what happens to a bunch of boring yuppie douchebags just because they're cool and pretty and have nice clothes. On the other, giant monsters destroying major cities is undeniably cool. (Just try to deny it -- can't be done.) The fact that said giant monster kills said douchebags is what makes this passable entertainment. That, and the scene where the dbags are standing around in the street filming the monster while a fat dude does the smart thing and hauls ass in the other direction.
2009-06-21
0.3
Clerks II (2006) 4.5/5
2006-07-30 23:56

I loved this movie! It's funny and nasty and smart and heartfelt and possibly Kevin Smith's best film yet. I hope we'll be revisting Dante and Randal again in another ten years.
2006-07-30
0.3
Clash of the Titans (1981) 2.5/5
2008-11-08 16:50

I love, love stop motion, especially Ray Harryahausen, and the effect here are probably some of his best. However, there is a point at which the film around the effects becomes slick and/or dull enough that stop-motion, no matter how good, can't keep up. Clash is just on the wrong side of that boundary -- it's simply impossible for me to believe in the creatures here in the way I could in the less-slick but more-compelling Jason and the Argonauts, say.
2008-11-08
0.3
Chungking Express (1994) 4.5/5
2007-04-02 12:39

Chungking Express. After the disappointingly stuffy and ponderous 2046, I needed to watch this movie again to remind myself why I used to like Wong Kar Wai. And it's all still here -- it's amazingly full of life and vivid characters and atmosphere, and here, WKW is working with Christopher Doyle's breathtaking cinematography, instead of making it do all the heavy lifting. However, this time around, I could see all the seeds of what I've come to dislike about WKW's more recent work -- there's a certain self-importance behind the playfulness, and a literary fascination with the internal states and histories of the characters. These things might make for a good novelist, but they don't bode well for a truly cinematic filmmaker.
2007-04-02
0.3
Children of Men (2006) 4/5
2007-01-28 16:05

If ever you wanted an example of how directing can save a mediocre screenplay this is it. The story and dialogue are uneven, but the film is made with so much passion and anger that it imprinted itself firmly onto my imagination.
2007-01-28
0.3
Casino Royale (2006) 3/5
2007-04-09 13:42

James Bond as female abuse-victim fantasy. He's a rich but brutal and manipulative bad boy sociopath, who really, is just waiting for the one woman who can break through his armour and tell him what a good person he is, at which point he will become sweet and sensitive and completely change himself for her. As long as she doesn't step out of line -- but at that point it's really her own fault for making him hurt her, and she damn well knows it. Unfortunately, the "she" is the painfully dull Eva Green, whose flat line delivery literally made me cringe. But at least it's a competent action movie, which is a damn sight more than you can say about almost all the other Bond flicks.
2007-04-09
0.3
Cars (2006) 2.5/5
2007-06-02 11:03

The Incredibles is a brilliant film, and an impossible act to follow, no question. And that just makes Cars still feel even more like an artistic misstep for Pixar -- a bland, safe, kid-friendly cash-machine, complete with fart jokes and characters that look like they were designed as happy meals toys first. It's frustrating not because it's bad, but because you know everyone involved can do better.
2007-06-02
0.3
C.H.U.D. (1984) 3/5
2006-07-31 23:52

The eponymous Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers are feasting on the good people of Reagan-era NYC! Not remotely what you would call a "good" movie, the darn thing just tries so hard it ends up being a lot more entertaining than it should be.
2006-07-31
0.3
Burn After Reading (2008) 3.5/5
2008-10-05 11:41

The Coen brothers have such an amazingly strong track record that it's hard not to feel a little disappointed when a new film is less than a masterpiece. Burn After Reading is less than a masterpiece, but it's more than just an average comedy, and totally entertaining.
2008-10-05
0.3
Bringing Up Baby (1938) 4.5/5
2006-10-28 12:00

Now that is what I'm talking about! 101 minutes of breakneck entertainment with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn bein' all young and funny and adorable. Typical 1930s style, it's very stagey, but somehow it works.
2006-10-28
0.3
Breach (2007) 3/5
2007-09-09 10:41

Interesting little film, based on the real case of an FBI mole. Chris Cooper completely dominates the film with his entertaining portrayal of the mole Robert Hanssen as a prickly devout Catholic, but we never actually get his point of view -- it's all from the point of view of the agents building the case against him. At the end of the film, I had no idea why or how Robert Hanssen would come to be "the worst spy in history", and I didn't feel anyone involved with the film (including Chris Cooper) did, either.
2007-09-09
0.3
Brüno 3/5
2009-07-31 20:41

What I liked about the Bruno character in Da Ali G Show were the segments that allowed Sasha Baron-Cohen to use his shallowness to make the arrogant and clueless confortable enough to expose their own vapidity. But instead of going that direction, the Bruno movie uses the character much more for shock value and confrontation. Problem is, Borat already did that, and did it a lot better. Bruno is funny -- sometimes very funny -- but it feels like a missed opportunity.
2009-07-31
0.3
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit... 4.5/5
2006-11-19 15:00

Laughed 'til I peed and peed 'til I laughed! (Just checking to see if anybody's actually reading this. Hi, mom!)
2006-11-19
0.3
Boogie Nights (1997) 4/5
2010-10-24 23:20

I swear to God, you could place Boogie Nights right on top of Goodfellas and they would line up perfectly. I'm not sure this is a bad thing.
2010-10-24
0.3
Bombay (1995) 4/5
2008-02-24 16:37

2008-02-24
0.3
Body of Lies (2008) 3.5/5
2008-10-29 21:12

Terrible title notwithstanding, this is Ridley Scott's best films in years. Set in the middle of the war on terror, I was somewhat afraid it would be didactic, but it's really more of a straight-up political thriller with slight pretensions of contemporary relevance. Which is just how I like my political thrillers, actually. Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe turn in strong performances, but are blown away by Mark Strong as the charismatic and frightening head of Jordanian intelligence. Not a masterpiece, but definitely worth seeing.
2008-10-29
0.3
Blood Freak (1972) 1/5
2009-10-10 21:33

2009-10-10
0.3
Blinkende lygter (2000) 2.5/5
2007-05-02 21:49

Flickering Lights. This Danish pastiche of US indie films isn't going to win any awards for originality, but as wacky gangster comedy psychodramas go, it's fairly entertaining, even if it doesn't really add up to much in the end. Though there are a couple of bits of "wacky" xenophobia that leave a sour taste behind when it's over.
2007-05-02
0.3
Black Snake Moan (2006) 4/5
2007-03-22 15:21

On a farm in Tennessee, God-fearing bluesman Sam Jackson chains nympomaniac Christina Ricci to his radiator. But it's for her own good. Really! The whole thing is kind of preposterous, but it sure wasn't boring or predictable.
2007-03-22
0.3
Bigger Stronger Faster* (2008) 4/5
2009-10-10 21:33

2009-10-10
0.3
Being John Malkovich (1999) 4.5/5
2007-04-16 15:49

Wacky doesn't even begin to describe this movie about a secret door that leads inside John Malkovich's brain. What appeals to me is not only how original the premise of the film is, but that it just keep piling more and more brilliant inventive material on.
2007-04-16
0.3
Be Kind Rewind (2008) 3/5
2008-03-02 11:39

2008-03-02
0.3
Battle Royale (2000) 3.5/5
2007-09-02 00:55

Truly the blackest of black comedies. In near-future Japan, the government forces a class of 14-year-olds to fight to the death. The result is a kind of hyper-adolescence where every clique is a gang, every friendship an alliance, and every teenaged crush literally becomes life-and-death. As a boy in WWII, director Kinji Fukasaku survived an artillery attack that killed his classmates, and it's clear he used the movie to work through some issues: the movie is a lot more personal than your typical Japanese exploitation flick, and really is a pretty brilliant (if deeply flawed) piece of work.
2007-09-02
0.3
Bangkok Dangerous (1999) 2.5/5
2008-04-05 11:35

2008-04-05
0.3

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List generated by WP Movie Ratings.